Is he “On-line” or “long distance?” Run the other way!

Is he “On-line” or “long distance?”  Run the other way!

~Beth Corbin

It’s easy to get caught-up in things before you realize it concerning relationships.  I have been burned more than once with on-line set-ups.  The first time was a con artist that I fell for hook, line, and sinker… took me for all I had and nearly took my life… and I thought I had learned my lesson. 

People usually meet their mates and start a relationship in the circles in which they travel like their job, or their friends introduce them to one another.  If you work at a job as a woman and the people and clients you work with are all mostly women; then you really do not meet men.  In addition to that if you are a person who does not do night clubs or bars, because you are not into those types of people who might have addictions to drinking, drugs, or gambling; then you have relatively few avenues to meet someone nice.

A number of weeks back I met a friend on-line at a website.  It seemed we were both a victim of spam and became members of the site before realizing it through our E-mail. 

                   

So my thought was, “give this a try and see what happens.” 

I had 71 hits in one day on this site.  You might think that sounds good; the bad thing about that is, it all this goes into your inbox quickly taking up space.  So, I decided to sift through the guys and pick who I thought might be a decent person. 

What I discovered was that most of the men on there were either scam artists wanting you to send them money, or cheating on their wife/significant other, or just wanting sex.  Out of the 71, only two seemed to be nice guys.  Both the nice guys live in my state; different cities and hours apart from where I live.

Nice friend number one we will call him Bill; though that is not his real name.  Bill and I started talking on this website, and after weeks moved it up to texting.  We had talked on the phone once.  The thing about texting is you can be brutally honest or a complete liar and so we had agreed to be honest about everything, thinking that would aid us in getting to know the true person behind the screen.

I told Bill upfront I was only interested in someone that will tell the truth and follow through with his words.  Bill and I seemed to see eye-to-eye on many levels and like many of the same things.  We both were spiritual and enjoyed learning for further enlightenment, both enjoyed hiking and being active, both had enjoyment for helping others in our careers, loved to read, etc.  We became face book friends and he really seemed to have an interest and even used some words of flattery at times as if we might have something special.

Then what happened?

We both had an opportunity to meet the other; both had the same date off and agreed to meet on Saturday for a hike.  We texted the night before and I said I would find a central place half way between our cities of residence, to be fair in driving distance. 

In my mind that means that date is blocked off for that person, period.  In my mind, rain, shine, whatever, we are going to meet… because this is a special occasion to meet face-to-face.  It is a commitment.

Saturday came, the big day.  He texts and says good morning but doesn’t mention our outing which is kind of strange.  So, I feel him out a little and he says he’s taking the granddaughter to see lights and do some errands.  Bill wasn’t prepared, didn’t set his alarm, didn’t know where he was going, and excuses like that…

I gave him our destination address anyway.  My though is this:  even if we leave as late as noon and drive for an hour and a half to our destination; we have the rest of the day to enjoy… and if you think this could be someone special… would you pass that opportunity up?

I went on the hike by myself and the pictures are right here for you to see.  Bill never showed.  I will never know what his real reason for not showing was; maybe the following:  Forgot and double booked himself, daughter needed a sitter and he couldn’t say no, never intended to be more than text buddies, was really married, I will never know the answer for sure.

However, one thing is for sure.  He did not follow through with his words, period… and that friendship is now lost because he didn’t feel I was important enough to meet when we both had the opportunity, and that hurt.  Most people would have at least met for lunch or dinner.    

I will never go to a dating site for any reason ever again.  If I do not meet him in person he is not a candidate for a future with me.  I do have some long-distance “friends,” and that is what they will stay.

What about friend number two from the site?  Well, I am sure we can be friends, maybe texting buddies; without us living in the same city that is all it will be.

I am very blessed that Creator is showing me things about people very early in our relationship so I am not jumping in head first, so I am thankful; just wanted to give a warning to those other single women out there.

If you could turn back “time,” what would you change?

If you could turn back “time,” what would you change? 

~Beth Corbin 

My friend (we’ll call him Jon) posed a question and the question was if you could turn back “time,” what would you change?

My response was the following:  My choices are what made me who I am today, no regrets... BUT if I put a spin on the question and really turn back time, I would put us back in the time where people really paid attention, and truly knew who you were; unfortunately most people are too shallow or selfish to discern that in today's society.

I would go back to a time when the people helped each other out of the goodness of their heart, when people worked together for a common good, like raising a neighbor’s lodge or barn and bartered or traded for goods and services, and took care of their own in the village… back to a time when if you lied, cheated or stole items, or a man’s wife, you were kicked out and shunned… and chances are you wouldn’t survive out there alone.

Jon responded by saying my answer rang with a tone of bitterness.

That puzzled me a little; so I continued:  No bitterness here.  My answer was I am what I am from the choices I made and I am a strong, healthy, prosperous, intelligent woman.  I live in peace with no regrets. The spin is my observation as a psychologist, and my hope for people to get back to a more respectful time/place.                

I explained how my life had changed since the two years in which we had dated passed.  I don't even regret marrying --, his nearly killing me is what forced me to make a choice to live.  It's clinging to life is what deepened my spirituality and opened my mind/world to these new possibilities.  Though, I would have never taken my life and it is not in my character or belief system, I had (at one time, and near the time we had become friends), no desire or oomph to be here. 

Today, I am renewed and have a new zeal, and really enjoy the blessing of who I am.  I live in the now, and the coolest part:  I was afraid of being alone when I met you; which made me a completely different person (in and of).  That old life and all the drama, strife, turmoil, lies, deceit… that were dumped here in that bad storm are now gone.  Now, I am in love; wrapped in LOVE and I have such peace about me.  I love being alone with me now and it’s a good place to be.

Some people will say "you are so strong," or “s/he is strong for putting up with,”  or  make references to you being strong in that storm you are in…  When actually, we are strong when we are in our calm-peaceful stature; when everything is good.  That is time and space when we are not allowing drama, and turmoil to interfere in our walk. We were weakest when we made those choices that allowed the storm, and weakest by not getting out of the storm.