Real love stays and you can’t get over it!

Real love stays and you can’t get over it

~Beth Corbin

I have been counseling about ten years which started in the ministry field but then in 2005 received a Masters in Counseling and also did secular counseling. I have also “lived” life and had some learning experiences (where you learn the hard way).

It’s great to share your experiences in hopes someone can learn from your mistakes and not face the same consequences; many times a person does have to go through the ordeal themselves to understand.

Everything boils down to “understanding;” which helps lead you to some form of wisdom. I am a spiritual person and pray about everything; talking to Creator as if he is my best friend sitting right here next to me. I feel everything is spiritual in nature and there are no coincidences… and the best gift we can give others is our time, energy, and efforts.

Recently I met a wonderful man and we quickly became friends. He had only been divorced four or five months; seemed to be an honest man with good qualities and I really enjoyed hanging-out and doing things with him. The problem was he thought he fell in love with me right away.

I have read some stories over the years and met some people who had wonderful relationships that started with love at first sight, or they thought they knew within days that particular person was the one they were to spend the rest of their life with, but I had a hard time with that idea in my own situation (and you will know why in a moment).

I felt I cared for him and felt if he was the person he claimed to be, the possibility of love could be there. I felt blessed to have met him and was getting to know him and so loved him as much as you can love someone in only knowing them for two weeks. He felt I was running from his love because I was afraid to be in love again.

What was disturbing me? I was seeing in him, what I had gone through 10 years earlier: I had been with my husband fifteen years, we divorced and I was in some sort of culture shock. Divorce is like a death that you cannot properly grieve because your former mate is not dead. It makes one feel lonely; like they have an empty hole; you are just hurting and don’t realize it.

I tried to fill my void/hole by falling in love and jumping from the frying pan right into the fire. I was afraid to be alone at that time and was desperate, but didn’t know it, didn’t realize I had a problem at all. Within 20 months I was married to the guy I fell for after my divorce and that was the biggest mistake of my life. I didn’t take the time I needed to heal… to find out who I was… as I paired myself, using desperate measures to not be alone (keep in mind, this is all hind-sight, in learning from my bad choices/experiences). What a mess that was and lead to another divorce.

I have been taught through experience and through the elder’s teachings: Even if it was a miserable marriage with much drama a person needs at least a year to grieve that loss. During that time they should be alone to learn or rediscover who they are again.

In getting balanced and focused again, a person can’t fill your hole by being “in love” after only two weeks. It has taken me four or five years to really heal and become a well balanced person who is actually happy. I am not lonely and enjoy my peaceful, calm life.

I share freely, the knowledge I have learned from receiving different degrees, life experiences, and spiritual insights from this path I am on and I don’t ask for anything in return. I treat others respectfully and expect respectful behaviors in return.

I believe the basis for love in all relationships is a strong foundation in friendship first. So, don't rush it friends... you will be blessed in the end by taking things at a slower pace.

Besides, if you are truly “in love;” if the spirits have put you together, if God/Creator paired you… then nothing can change that and you will not ever stop loving that person, period; and you will not be able to walk away from it. Real love stays and you can’t get over it.

A note to my friend: I understand where you are at; I was there too; though everyone experiences things a little differently. I care about you and a year from now you will be a new person if you can just spend time with yourself and not depend on another person to fill your void. You are in my thoughts and prayers and are always welcome as my friend and in our circle for learning. The choice is yours; either way I wish you the best in each new day.