Discover Yourself

Discover Yourself

Beth Corbin

Don’t you just love it when you meet someone and they think they know you right away; or run into someone you haven’t seen in decades and they think they know you, as if the years haven’t given you enlightenment and cognitive development having changed you?  Even worse is the sibling who thinks they know you because you were raised in the same house 30 years ago.

Who really knows you?  Most people today don’t even know themselves.  We live in a fast paced world, fast paced society where people just don’t “think” on his/her own.

My boyfriend and I very recently decided to dissolve our relationship over some of these same reasons.  He would probably disagree with me stating a hundred other excuses; the reality of it was we live in two different worlds and neither of us could bend for the other enough to satisfy our needs… and he thought he knew me in a very short time; did not take the face-to-face time needed to really learn who I was, what I believed, what I loved etc.

The problem with that is if you don’t take the time to get to know someone, then how can you effectively communicate with that person… thus our wall!  We jumped in way too fast though I asked him to slow down… him - only had one speed.  We would argue weekly over stupid stuff and he would not solve it with face-to-face communication; he would rather sling mud in text or E-mail, saying he did not like confrontation, and would twist whatever was said to satisfy his point of view.

As a psychologist you know what to do, but it takes two to have buy-in, and actually work at it.  In my case he would use that against me saying, “You follow your head and not your heart.”

He would send me flowers at work on a regular basis, and he would complain about living out of a suit case for me (which I never asked for).  We would go to Porter’s and listen to loud music, go out to eat, and all that was nice for something to do.  He would tell me 30 times a day he loved me and I was his life and he knew we would be together forever…

The truth is he just did not take the time to know me; he had a preconceived notion as to who I was… even commenting that I was the closest thing he had found to a hippie (which is what he claimed to be), since I walked the Red Road. 

He never took the time for deep conversation, to get me useable things to help my life, like sweeping my floor, washing my car, fixing something around there; don’t even think he used the toilet brush and soap in his bathroom (he did take out the garbage and wash the dishes; which was good).  He did buy me a phone card once which is a good usable gift, but I think that was more out of him not being able to contact me for a few days without it (maybe).  Going to the grocery and the museum was fun with him and the times we laughed were fun.

I enjoyed him and do love him as much as you can love a man who was your boyfriend for a month and a half; will miss him as he doesn’t want contact anymore (all or none); that's too bad because with better communication, and time for him to heal from his past, who knows what roads we could have traveled...  This from a man that thought he knew me; he even thought he was “in love” with me and he felt we were joined as one and meant to be from above (if that were the case he could not just throw things away like that. 

All this is sounding like 50% of the relationships out there you say?

Why does it have to be like that; why can’t people communicate face-to-face, trust, accept, and be faithful, and love a person right where s/he is at?  That is what I want!

A person who knows me; knows I like sharing time with a person, doing things with that person, taking walks, working-out together, a hike, things that are an experience that allow us to become closer as a couple, cleaning house together, going to grocery.    

 

My friend Gerry (who knows me pretty good) is a wonderful man; he lives in New York so we are Skype buddies.  I think we are very open and honest with each other and can talk about anything and everything because of our distance and our agreement that he will never move here, and I will never move there… So, there will never be anything between us as far as a possible future mate.

Gerry gave me some very good advice on the phone one night:  “He said, you are a special, pure heart on this earth; which is a rare find because you cannot tell a lie and do not want to hurt any living thing, and only want to help, and people take advantage of that… so stop it!” 

Gerry said, “You cannot expect people to think act, or react, or be like you.  There is too much negative in the world that influences all of that.  Those men you meet are out of who knows what kinds of relationships and drama, and they bring that drama to you now, and the vicious cycle continues. 

You have been single for a long time and you cocoon yourself for your safety and healing first learn to identify people from all ends of the spectrum and keep them separated because dating is like a job interview.  Discover the real you:  You are the interviewer, you hold the cards.  How you talk, acts, your body language, how you see yourself, men want that.  You have what they want; you are a valuable commodity!  What man in his right mind would send you away, if he loved you or truly understood the real you? 

Now you interview to get what you want.”

Thanks Gerry, for the pep talk and letting me share your advice. 

The really cool thing is Creator is allowing me to see, hear, and understand before I totally jump in head-first. 

Many people get divorced and are so desperate and lonely (but they don’t realize it), that they jump in real quick with the better thing that comes along from where they were before… or jump in with the opposite of what they had before, or… you get the idea!  Then within a year they are in love and within a year and a half are already married again, and within 3-7 years divorced again.  It’s a vicious cycle for not breaking soul ties and not allowing self healing time.

I like to believe:  If you are truly “in love,” and if it is ordained by Creator meaning you are one with Creator and your mate, and all else comes below that oneness… then it will always be so and nothing will tear it apart and you will both be satisfied.