Making Yourself Available?

This has come up lately from several conversations and is a counseling topic to think about:

Some people just don’t seem to get it, do they? Don’t you just love it when someone of the opposite sex contacts your spouse or significant other on My Space, Tagged, Face book, or another Social Site, fishing for clues?

Obviously the profile may say, “Married.” Does it really matter? Then the other person will go fishing, and say something like, “Oh your wife seems like a nice person or a pretty woman” etc.

Will your spouse realize they are fishing? If so, and s/he loves you will respond with, “Yes, she is remarkable, beautiful, great sense of humor, and I really love her… in fact never want to live without her.

Better yet he could just delete the mail, and block the person to send a clearer message that he is not interested.

Then there is the “yuck” response s/he could say like, “She must be pretty good to put up with me all these years.” He could also say something lame like, “yeah, we’ve been together many years.” Of course then he might as well be caught hook, line, and sinker by the new woman... because with those comments it’s like, “We’re going no where, and so what do you have to offer?”

So, are these spouses who respond to people on-line really ignorant of the play, or just selfish and inconsiderate to their spouse, or are they a player themselves?

There are spouses out there who are totally in love and have the utmost respect for their “better half.” That is what I’ve always wanted. Is it a fairy tale, make-believe, from watching too many love stories, or does it really exist?

A very wise man once told me, “You can’t be best friends with a woman unless you are in love with her.” He also said the only reason people get caught-up in affairs is because they make themselves available. The grass is always greener on the other side…

I think there are ways to have an affair (other than sexual acts). For example if you confide in someone other than your spouse, which in turn deceives your spouse.


Here are some examples:
• You hang on-line all day, instant messaging someone or E-mailing back a fourth you talk and have a good ole time… get nothing done around the house, and then your spouse comes home and you’re tired with nothing to say. Maybe you are bored with your spouse because you’ve stopped your line of communication from being infatuated with the other person on-line?

• You take a co-worker out to lunch several times a week and buy her lunch, you talk and become good friends; you can’t understand why your wife is upset about you spending your hard earned money on lunch---she’s just no fun any more.

• You talk on the phone with someone for thirty minutes, but not in front of your spouse; you ask them to call when the spouse is not home.

No harm done? The point is you’ve made yourself available! You have opened the door for more to happen between you and the other person… who leads to affairs, flings, and whatever else comes up.

Over reacting you say, think about it. The new attitude is, well it happens to everybody once in a while… Why does it have to?

We have choices to make each and every day. If you are bored with your significant other, talk to them about it. Try together, as a couple, to get back what you fell in love with originally. What was that special little something you fell for in her/him? Don’t make the choice of making yourself available to someone else on-line, in E-mail, at work, or lunch… only to have it lead to break-up for you and your spouse.

Make the choice to fight for what you fell in love with, do some of those things you once did together, send her/him a love note, a flower… Just because you’ve let things go doesn’t mean you can’t pick up the pieces again--- If you really want to.