Posts
* Eat early, eat often. Remember this old saying: breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, dinner like a pauper. Starting your day with a healthy breakfast, can jump-start your metabolism. Likewise, “grazing” on healthful snacks like fruits, veggies and protein-packed almonds, and eating 6 small, healthful meals throughout the day, rather than the standard 3 large ones, can help keep your metabolism going and ward off snack attacks.
* Be extra careful when eating out. No matter how healthy your diet, you need to eat less to lose weight. This means practicing portion control. At restaurants, eat only half your meal and take the rest home. It’s fine to ask for the to-go box when your meal arrives, and divide it in the beginning so you won’t be tempted to over do it. Also watch out for condiments, dressings, soft drinks, and sweet tea which are common culprits for hidden calories.
* Good Choices when eating out. Look for "heart healthy" symbols on the menu. Ask for calorie and fat information on menu items. If you ask, chefs will often make low-fat entrees using low-cholesterol eggs or lean cuts of meat. You can ask for: skinless chicken, no butter on a particular dish, broiled instead of fried, and your sauces to be served on the side. There are some restaurants that let you order smaller portions at lower prices. When my mother and I eat at Red Lobster (for example) we order off the fresh catch or chef special menu. They usually have grilled salmon or grilled trout with broccoli, salad, and a side. We order the lunch portion…
* Look for key words when thinking Healthy eating: Baked, broiled, poached, grilled, raw, and fresh, steamed, tossed, whole-grain, plain, stewed, roasted, and lean.
* Eat Slowly. Savor what you eat…really think about the flavors. Before you even order think about what tastes you are in the mood for, so you can be better satisfied at the end of the meal. If you are craving something…get it, and eat it in moderation.
* Share your food. I really like to eat with my Mom as we always split and share one meal and ask for two plates. If you’re not eating with a partner or s/he doesn’t like to share food try another idea. Have the waiter bring a doggie bag with the meal and split it up immediately so you don’t start “talking” and forget what your eating…causing “pig-out.”
Monday, April 25, 2011
Week 4 Healthier Life Style
Week 4: 1. Add Fish Oil and Calcium with magnesium to your life. We need omega 3 fatty acids in our body; which means we should eat fish 3 times a week. Since most of us don’t do that we need to add the fish oil in the form of a supplement. Omega-3 fatty acids decrease risk of arrhythmias (abnormal heartbeats), which can lead to sudden death. Omega-3 fatty acids also decrease triglyceride levels, slow growth rate of atherosclerotic plaque, and lower blood pressure (slightly). Ideally 1-2 grams a day is the amount of fish oil for optimum health.
Calcium is for the health of your bones and teeth, but it also affects your muscles, hormones, nerve function, and ability to form blood clots. Plus, research has suggested that calcium may play a role in warding off other problems like PMS, high blood pressure, cancer, and even weight gain. The recommended daily intake of calcium is 1,000 to 1,300 milligrams per day for people ages 9 and up. Calcium supplements work better if you take it in smaller doses 2-3 times a day and get the kind with magnesium so it is absorbed by the body better.
2. Delete fried foods from your life: The consumption of trans fats increases the risk of coronary heart disease by raising levels of "bad" LDL cholesterol and lowering levels of "good" HDL cholesterol. Health authorities worldwide recommend that consumption of trans-fat be reduced to trace amounts. Trans- fats from partially hydrogenated oils are harmful, so think of fried food as a splurge and eat only in moderation.
3. Delete nicotine from your life: Nicotine causes a short-term increase in blood pressure, heart rate and the flow of blood from the heart. It also causes the arteries to narrow. The smoke includes carbon monoxide, which reduces the amount of oxygen the blood can carry. This, combined with the nicotine effects, creates an imbalance between the demand for oxygen by the cells and the amount of oxygen the blood can supply.
Calcium is for the health of your bones and teeth, but it also affects your muscles, hormones, nerve function, and ability to form blood clots. Plus, research has suggested that calcium may play a role in warding off other problems like PMS, high blood pressure, cancer, and even weight gain. The recommended daily intake of calcium is 1,000 to 1,300 milligrams per day for people ages 9 and up. Calcium supplements work better if you take it in smaller doses 2-3 times a day and get the kind with magnesium so it is absorbed by the body better.
2. Delete fried foods from your life: The consumption of trans fats increases the risk of coronary heart disease by raising levels of "bad" LDL cholesterol and lowering levels of "good" HDL cholesterol. Health authorities worldwide recommend that consumption of trans-fat be reduced to trace amounts. Trans- fats from partially hydrogenated oils are harmful, so think of fried food as a splurge and eat only in moderation.
3. Delete nicotine from your life: Nicotine causes a short-term increase in blood pressure, heart rate and the flow of blood from the heart. It also causes the arteries to narrow. The smoke includes carbon monoxide, which reduces the amount of oxygen the blood can carry. This, combined with the nicotine effects, creates an imbalance between the demand for oxygen by the cells and the amount of oxygen the blood can supply.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Week 3 Healthier Lifestyle
Week 3: Cut refined salt out of your lifestyle; add unrefined sea salt: 1. Add ¼ teaspoons or less to each quart of water you drink per day. We all know already that our body is 75% water; this water contained in all of our tissues, cells, blood, etc. is a salty water solution, very similar to the seawater. Sea salt obtained from solar evaporation of sea water is entirely different from modern refined salt, and it contains a variety of minerals that play a role in keeping the body's electrolytes in a healthy balance. Unfortunately, the common table salt, we use today is primarily kiln-dried sodium chloride with anti-caking agents added. Trace minerals, as well as calcium, magnesium and potassium salts are removed in processing. Kiln-drying involves scorching salt at high heat to remove moisture. This refining process creates a product that is unnatural and hard on the body. It is the true culprit that contributes to high blood pressure, heart trouble, kidney disease and eczema, among other problems. If you buy a water filter for your faucet and add sea salt, there is really no need for bottled water at all.
2. Add walking to your routine: Start slow and easy. If you're a seasoned walker, keep doing what you're doing. If you've been inactive and tire easily, it's best to start slow and easy. At first, walk only as far or as fast as you find comfortable. If you can walk for only a few minutes, let that be your starting point. For example, you might try short daily sessions of five to 10 minutes and slowly build up to 15 minutes twice a week. Then, over several weeks' time, you can gradually work your way up to 30 to 60 minutes of walking most days each week. Don’t worry about the amount of miles; let your focus be minutes of time.
2. Add walking to your routine: Start slow and easy. If you're a seasoned walker, keep doing what you're doing. If you've been inactive and tire easily, it's best to start slow and easy. At first, walk only as far or as fast as you find comfortable. If you can walk for only a few minutes, let that be your starting point. For example, you might try short daily sessions of five to 10 minutes and slowly build up to 15 minutes twice a week. Then, over several weeks' time, you can gradually work your way up to 30 to 60 minutes of walking most days each week. Don’t worry about the amount of miles; let your focus be minutes of time.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Healthier Lifestyle Program:
Some of you know I went to University of Kentucky (back in the old days) for food and nutrition and became/worked as a Nutritionist at Tri-County Hospital for years before going into the education, and counseling fields.
I have started a Healthier Lifestyle Program for the faculty and staff at work. All of us want to be the best God has made in us… If we are healthier, we are happier, and better at everything we do. It is completely on a voluntary basis, and as with any new program you start, you may want to check with your doctor if anything may be questionable with medications you are on.
Healthier Lifestyle Program:
Each week I will send an e-mail with a suggestion of something to add or delete from your lifestyle. You start by trying to do it for a week, the next week I will add or delete something else. You will continue each week doing what was said the week before and adding/deleting from that…
There may be times when we go for multiple weeks before adding or deleting, depending on the feedback I am getting. The goal is to have overall better health as a whole. So, if you can’t do everything all the way each week… that’s o.k. Do as much as you can do, as that will be better than where you were before. Even if a couple of small changes become a good habit, we will be better for it.
Week 1: 1. Start listening/paying attention to your body’s needs: Drink when you are thirsty; eat when you are hungry; stop when you are full. Rest/sleep when you are tired. This will make it less likely that you just eat out of boredom or nervousness.
2. Start taking a multi-vitamin at the same time each day: it can even be 2 children’s chewable vitamins a days, which are better for you if you have any stomach issues anyway.
Week 2: 1. Go to bed early: A lack of sleep throws appetite hormones into gimme-more mode. Poor sleep also affects blood sugar and insulin levels in a way that can increase the risk of excessive weight gain. Your goal: 7 to 8 hours of nightly shut-eye, day in and day out.
2. Cut down your dinners out at Restaurants: Your higher content meals should be as early in the day as possible, so try going out for lunch instead of dinner. In studies, eating just one restaurant meal per week in the evening, made people gain weight by 50 percent. Preparing meals at home allows you to control fat, sugar, and salt content -- and lets you know exactly what you're eating.
3. Eat Breakfast every morning: You are breaking the fast from going without food from overnight. Eating breakfast prevents you from bottoming out and getting too hungry gives you a mental advantage throughout the day. When you start off your day, your body needs fuel. “Glycogen stores start to deplete if you haven’t had any food, by lunch you’ll start to feel fatigued, you’re more vulnerable to cravings and less likely to make healthy choices in the morning and throughout the day.
I have started a Healthier Lifestyle Program for the faculty and staff at work. All of us want to be the best God has made in us… If we are healthier, we are happier, and better at everything we do. It is completely on a voluntary basis, and as with any new program you start, you may want to check with your doctor if anything may be questionable with medications you are on.
Healthier Lifestyle Program:
Each week I will send an e-mail with a suggestion of something to add or delete from your lifestyle. You start by trying to do it for a week, the next week I will add or delete something else. You will continue each week doing what was said the week before and adding/deleting from that…
There may be times when we go for multiple weeks before adding or deleting, depending on the feedback I am getting. The goal is to have overall better health as a whole. So, if you can’t do everything all the way each week… that’s o.k. Do as much as you can do, as that will be better than where you were before. Even if a couple of small changes become a good habit, we will be better for it.
Week 1: 1. Start listening/paying attention to your body’s needs: Drink when you are thirsty; eat when you are hungry; stop when you are full. Rest/sleep when you are tired. This will make it less likely that you just eat out of boredom or nervousness.
2. Start taking a multi-vitamin at the same time each day: it can even be 2 children’s chewable vitamins a days, which are better for you if you have any stomach issues anyway.
Week 2: 1. Go to bed early: A lack of sleep throws appetite hormones into gimme-more mode. Poor sleep also affects blood sugar and insulin levels in a way that can increase the risk of excessive weight gain. Your goal: 7 to 8 hours of nightly shut-eye, day in and day out.
2. Cut down your dinners out at Restaurants: Your higher content meals should be as early in the day as possible, so try going out for lunch instead of dinner. In studies, eating just one restaurant meal per week in the evening, made people gain weight by 50 percent. Preparing meals at home allows you to control fat, sugar, and salt content -- and lets you know exactly what you're eating.
3. Eat Breakfast every morning: You are breaking the fast from going without food from overnight. Eating breakfast prevents you from bottoming out and getting too hungry gives you a mental advantage throughout the day. When you start off your day, your body needs fuel. “Glycogen stores start to deplete if you haven’t had any food, by lunch you’ll start to feel fatigued, you’re more vulnerable to cravings and less likely to make healthy choices in the morning and throughout the day.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The science behind love at first sight
By Helen Fisher, Ph.D.
The science behind love at first sight
From the moment she set eyes on him, she adored him. Wanting only to be near him, to lavish her affection on him, she followed everywhere he went. The sound of his voice made her bark.
Bark? Novelist and animal behaviorist Elizabeth Marshall Thomas was describing her pug dog, Violet, who was in love with her other pug, Bingo.
Animals love. Animal literature is full of descriptions of love at first sight, actually. When Tia, a female elephant living in the Amboseli National Park in Kenya, came into heat (or estrus), she was followed by a coterie of young males. Tia would not cooperate. But the moment Bad Bull swaggered into view, head high, chin tucked in, ears intensely waving, trunk aloft, and doing his courtship strut, Tia changed her elephant mind. Holding her ears high in a pose meant to draw his attention, she stared at him with the prolonged “courting gaze,” then turned and began to move slowly away, glancing repeatedly to see if this mature male was following. Tia and Bad Bull remained inseparable for the duration of her estrus.
Instant attraction across the animal kingdom
Scientists and naturalists have recorded this instant attraction phenomenon in hundreds of species. Throatpatch and Priscilla, two orangutans; Alexander and Thalia, two baboons; Skipper and Laurel, two beavers; Misha and Maria, two Huskies; Satan and Miff, two chimps: these and many other creatures have taken an instant liking to one another. As Charles Darwin wrote of two ducks, “it was evidently a case of love at fist sight, for she swam about the newcomer caressingly… with overtures of affection.”
How we came to fall in love fast
You and I have inherited the brain circuitry for this instant attraction, what has become known as “love at first sight.” This spontaneous passion comes from our primordial past when, like other mammals, our female forebears had a monthly period of heat. Like all mammals that have only a few hours, days or weeks to procreate, these ancestors had to become attracted quickly. They couldn’t spend two months or two years discussing their suitor’s career and family plans. They had to meet and produce offspring fast.
Today, first meetings are still crucial. With little or no knowledge of this stranger, we tend to weigh heavily those few traits we first encounter. Based on these morsels of information, we almost instantly form a strong opinion of him or her, generally within the first three minutes. Thomas Jefferson fell in love with Maria Cosway in an afternoon, probably within minutes of meeting.
Who falls faster: the male or the female?
Indeed, men tend to fall in love faster than women do, probably because their brain circuitry for romantic love is more quickly triggered by visual cues. But any of us can walk into a crowded room, talk for only minutes with a someone new, and either feel that “chemistry” — or “know” there could be chemistry down the road.
But is this attraction love or lust? Actually, these feelings involve very different brain networks. You can have physical intimacy with someone you are not “in love” with, and you can be passionately in love with someone you have never kissed. But these brain circuits can trigger one another, leaving you wondering for a moment if your attraction is purely physical.
Can immediate attraction last?
You will know if your passion is love or lust with your answer to just one simple question: “What percentage of the day and night do you think about him or her?” Romantic love is an obsession. It can happen in a moment, but when it strikes, you can’t get your new beloved off your mind. And this instant passion can last — sometimes for many years.
“The loving are the daring,” wrote poet Bayard Taylor. We are all daring; we can’t help ourselves. Millions of years ago humanity evolved three powerful brain systems for courtship and reproduction: the libido, romantic attraction, and feelings of deep attachment. The libido evolved to drive us to reproduce with a range of partners, but romantic love evolved to enable us to focus our energy on just one, The One. This passion is intricately orchestrated, at least in part, by the activity of a powerful chemical, dopamine. And this potent brain circuit lies dormant in each of us, sleeping like a cat with one eye open, waiting for the right moment to erupt.
Indeed, feelings of intense romantic passion can awaken the first moment you see someone who fits within your mental concept of the perfect partner — love at first sight.
Helen Fisher, Ph.D., is research professor, Department of Anthropology at Columbia University; author of Why We Love; and is chief scientific advisor to www.chemistry.com.
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.
Interested in taking Dr. Helen Fisher’s personality test? Visit Chemistry.com today!
By Helen Fisher, Ph.D.
The science behind love at first sight
From the moment she set eyes on him, she adored him. Wanting only to be near him, to lavish her affection on him, she followed everywhere he went. The sound of his voice made her bark.
Bark? Novelist and animal behaviorist Elizabeth Marshall Thomas was describing her pug dog, Violet, who was in love with her other pug, Bingo.
Animals love. Animal literature is full of descriptions of love at first sight, actually. When Tia, a female elephant living in the Amboseli National Park in Kenya, came into heat (or estrus), she was followed by a coterie of young males. Tia would not cooperate. But the moment Bad Bull swaggered into view, head high, chin tucked in, ears intensely waving, trunk aloft, and doing his courtship strut, Tia changed her elephant mind. Holding her ears high in a pose meant to draw his attention, she stared at him with the prolonged “courting gaze,” then turned and began to move slowly away, glancing repeatedly to see if this mature male was following. Tia and Bad Bull remained inseparable for the duration of her estrus.
Instant attraction across the animal kingdom
Scientists and naturalists have recorded this instant attraction phenomenon in hundreds of species. Throatpatch and Priscilla, two orangutans; Alexander and Thalia, two baboons; Skipper and Laurel, two beavers; Misha and Maria, two Huskies; Satan and Miff, two chimps: these and many other creatures have taken an instant liking to one another. As Charles Darwin wrote of two ducks, “it was evidently a case of love at fist sight, for she swam about the newcomer caressingly… with overtures of affection.”
How we came to fall in love fast
You and I have inherited the brain circuitry for this instant attraction, what has become known as “love at first sight.” This spontaneous passion comes from our primordial past when, like other mammals, our female forebears had a monthly period of heat. Like all mammals that have only a few hours, days or weeks to procreate, these ancestors had to become attracted quickly. They couldn’t spend two months or two years discussing their suitor’s career and family plans. They had to meet and produce offspring fast.
Today, first meetings are still crucial. With little or no knowledge of this stranger, we tend to weigh heavily those few traits we first encounter. Based on these morsels of information, we almost instantly form a strong opinion of him or her, generally within the first three minutes. Thomas Jefferson fell in love with Maria Cosway in an afternoon, probably within minutes of meeting.
Who falls faster: the male or the female?
Indeed, men tend to fall in love faster than women do, probably because their brain circuitry for romantic love is more quickly triggered by visual cues. But any of us can walk into a crowded room, talk for only minutes with a someone new, and either feel that “chemistry” — or “know” there could be chemistry down the road.
But is this attraction love or lust? Actually, these feelings involve very different brain networks. You can have physical intimacy with someone you are not “in love” with, and you can be passionately in love with someone you have never kissed. But these brain circuits can trigger one another, leaving you wondering for a moment if your attraction is purely physical.
Can immediate attraction last?
You will know if your passion is love or lust with your answer to just one simple question: “What percentage of the day and night do you think about him or her?” Romantic love is an obsession. It can happen in a moment, but when it strikes, you can’t get your new beloved off your mind. And this instant passion can last — sometimes for many years.
“The loving are the daring,” wrote poet Bayard Taylor. We are all daring; we can’t help ourselves. Millions of years ago humanity evolved three powerful brain systems for courtship and reproduction: the libido, romantic attraction, and feelings of deep attachment. The libido evolved to drive us to reproduce with a range of partners, but romantic love evolved to enable us to focus our energy on just one, The One. This passion is intricately orchestrated, at least in part, by the activity of a powerful chemical, dopamine. And this potent brain circuit lies dormant in each of us, sleeping like a cat with one eye open, waiting for the right moment to erupt.
Indeed, feelings of intense romantic passion can awaken the first moment you see someone who fits within your mental concept of the perfect partner — love at first sight.
Helen Fisher, Ph.D., is research professor, Department of Anthropology at Columbia University; author of Why We Love; and is chief scientific advisor to www.chemistry.com.
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.
Interested in taking Dr. Helen Fisher’s personality test? Visit Chemistry.com today!
Friday, March 26, 2010
I did not write this article, but this lady is right-on the mark, and I am speaking that from experience.
5 Signs He’s Not the Guy For You
Is he committed to your relationship? Not if you’re seeing these red flags.
-Carolyn French
When it comes to relationships, the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, summed it up best. It all boils down to one very important thing: R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
As any good couples therapist will tell you, the “R-word” is crucial for a serious, committed relationship; without it, you’re on a dead-end road. How do you know which direction you’re headed in? When it comes right down to it, his actions almost always speak louder than his words.
Here, five signs your guy may not be in it for the long haul:
1. He’s not thinking about the future.
Planning ahead, or at least having some general goals, is the key to a stable and satisfying life, as well as a stable and satisfying relationship.
“Most people go into a relationship with some idea of what they want out of it,” explains Minneapolis-based relationship expert Cami Zimmer. “In order for a relationship to be satisfying, partners must set clear goals that both partners can agree on.”
And those goals don’t have to be all about you or the relationship to be illuminating. For example, if your guy doesn’t seem to care about finding or hanging onto a decent job, or has no clue about where he wants to be in 10 years, chances are a serious, long-term relationship isn’t on his to-do list, either.
2. He goes MIA on special occasions.
When you’re a couple, certain events — birthdays, anniversaries, career-related events — require extra attention.
It’s no secret that guys can be forgetful creatures (though ask any man when World Series tickets are going on sale and he’ll probably rattle off the exact time and date in two seconds flat), but you shouldn’t have to remind him twice when your birthday is – or worry that he won’t show up when he promised to escort you to a super important work event.
“Missing things every once in a while is fine, but when it happens all the time, it means that his priorities don't include you,” says Zimmer.
3. He enjoys keeping you guessing.
When it comes to being secure in your relationship, a little reassurance goes a long way. From offering up his plans without being asked, to calling just to say hi, sometimes it’s the simplest things that give us the most confidence in our significant other.
But if you find that you’re wondering what he’s up to on a regular basis — he gets vague whenever you ask, or you feel like you have to play 20 Questions just to get a straight answer — you’re probably right to start wondering just how far you can trust him.
“It’s not usually the big things that come between a couple and make closeness dissipate; it’s the lack of communication on the little things that build, getting bigger and bigger until the relationship starts to fizzle,” says Zimmer. “Relationships are all about give and take.”
4. His generosity — financially and otherwise — leaves a lot to be desired.
These days it’s usually a good sign when your guy is careful with his money. But there’s a big difference between cautious and stingy — especially when that stinginess seems to play a larger-than-life role in your relationship.
We all have different beliefs about money, but when you’re part of a couple it’s important to establish a healthy open dialogue regarding financial matters. If he doesn’t think twice about splurging on a fishing trip with the guys or buying himself that cool new gadget, but he regularly borrows your car without refilling the tank, or has to be coerced into taking you out to dinner at a nice restaurant, consider yourself warned: It’s time to talk — and maybe even walk.
“Money can't buy you love, but it sure can tear it apart,” says Zimmer. “Because talking about finances can be uncomfortable, many couples keep quiet about this important topic — which is a huge mistake.”
5. He prefers hanging out with his buddies.
Boys-only clubs typically lose their appeal by the age of 10. But straight males who insist on constantly running off with their male friends past the age of puberty are guaranteed to bring you heartache.
It’s healthy for men to want to occasionally spend time with their buddies, but when you find yourself left out in the cold on a regular basis, it’s hard not to feel like you’re competing for his attention.
“Give him an opportunity to explain himself and hear what he has to say,” proposes Zimmer. “Is it that the two of you don't have much in common? Suggest doing things together that he enjoys — or try to find some new common ground. But if it becomes clear that he’d rather be single and free than with you, it’s time to move on.”
Men can be fickle creatures, but don’t allow your feelings for them to overshadow what’s really going on. Take heed, and know when it’s time to let go.
Tell us: Do you find it hard to walk away from a bad relationship?
Carolyn French is an editorial assistant at BettyConfidential.
Is he committed to your relationship? Not if you’re seeing these red flags.
-Carolyn French
When it comes to relationships, the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, summed it up best. It all boils down to one very important thing: R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
As any good couples therapist will tell you, the “R-word” is crucial for a serious, committed relationship; without it, you’re on a dead-end road. How do you know which direction you’re headed in? When it comes right down to it, his actions almost always speak louder than his words.
Here, five signs your guy may not be in it for the long haul:
1. He’s not thinking about the future.
Planning ahead, or at least having some general goals, is the key to a stable and satisfying life, as well as a stable and satisfying relationship.
“Most people go into a relationship with some idea of what they want out of it,” explains Minneapolis-based relationship expert Cami Zimmer. “In order for a relationship to be satisfying, partners must set clear goals that both partners can agree on.”
And those goals don’t have to be all about you or the relationship to be illuminating. For example, if your guy doesn’t seem to care about finding or hanging onto a decent job, or has no clue about where he wants to be in 10 years, chances are a serious, long-term relationship isn’t on his to-do list, either.
2. He goes MIA on special occasions.
When you’re a couple, certain events — birthdays, anniversaries, career-related events — require extra attention.
It’s no secret that guys can be forgetful creatures (though ask any man when World Series tickets are going on sale and he’ll probably rattle off the exact time and date in two seconds flat), but you shouldn’t have to remind him twice when your birthday is – or worry that he won’t show up when he promised to escort you to a super important work event.
“Missing things every once in a while is fine, but when it happens all the time, it means that his priorities don't include you,” says Zimmer.
3. He enjoys keeping you guessing.
When it comes to being secure in your relationship, a little reassurance goes a long way. From offering up his plans without being asked, to calling just to say hi, sometimes it’s the simplest things that give us the most confidence in our significant other.
But if you find that you’re wondering what he’s up to on a regular basis — he gets vague whenever you ask, or you feel like you have to play 20 Questions just to get a straight answer — you’re probably right to start wondering just how far you can trust him.
“It’s not usually the big things that come between a couple and make closeness dissipate; it’s the lack of communication on the little things that build, getting bigger and bigger until the relationship starts to fizzle,” says Zimmer. “Relationships are all about give and take.”
4. His generosity — financially and otherwise — leaves a lot to be desired.
These days it’s usually a good sign when your guy is careful with his money. But there’s a big difference between cautious and stingy — especially when that stinginess seems to play a larger-than-life role in your relationship.
We all have different beliefs about money, but when you’re part of a couple it’s important to establish a healthy open dialogue regarding financial matters. If he doesn’t think twice about splurging on a fishing trip with the guys or buying himself that cool new gadget, but he regularly borrows your car without refilling the tank, or has to be coerced into taking you out to dinner at a nice restaurant, consider yourself warned: It’s time to talk — and maybe even walk.
“Money can't buy you love, but it sure can tear it apart,” says Zimmer. “Because talking about finances can be uncomfortable, many couples keep quiet about this important topic — which is a huge mistake.”
5. He prefers hanging out with his buddies.
Boys-only clubs typically lose their appeal by the age of 10. But straight males who insist on constantly running off with their male friends past the age of puberty are guaranteed to bring you heartache.
It’s healthy for men to want to occasionally spend time with their buddies, but when you find yourself left out in the cold on a regular basis, it’s hard not to feel like you’re competing for his attention.
“Give him an opportunity to explain himself and hear what he has to say,” proposes Zimmer. “Is it that the two of you don't have much in common? Suggest doing things together that he enjoys — or try to find some new common ground. But if it becomes clear that he’d rather be single and free than with you, it’s time to move on.”
Men can be fickle creatures, but don’t allow your feelings for them to overshadow what’s really going on. Take heed, and know when it’s time to let go.
Tell us: Do you find it hard to walk away from a bad relationship?
Carolyn French is an editorial assistant at BettyConfidential.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Thought you'd like this 6 Reasons We Love, good article by Eric J. Leech
Thought you'd like this one too!
6 Reasons We Love Love
Its powers of strength
by Eric J. Leech
Love is no doubt one of the greatest feelings in the world, and if you have ever doubted its strengths, here are six reminders as to why it has been given such an important stature in our lives:
1. It Keeps Couples Faithful
While some may say love is blind, researchers at UCLA prefer to describe it as wearing blinders. The study looked at 120 heterosexual college students in a committed relationship. They were asked to describe their current relationship, and then rate a group of photos depicting very attractive members of the opposite sex. What they found was that students who described their relationship as loving, were six times less likely to rate a 'hottie' as attractive, and even more surprising, they seemed to pay more attention to the background of the photos, rather than the subject. Researchers think this could be related to our adaptation over the centuries to commit to one long-term partner, rather than straying as soon as the next best thing came along.
2. It Protects Our Hearts
Scientists at Yale University conducted a study surveying 119 men and 40 women, asking them about their current state of relationship and family, before being given a series of angiography (heart) tests. What researchers found was that participants who reported their lives as the most loving and supportive, were less likely to exhibit heart conditions (blockages, etc). While genetics, diet, and proper nutrition are undoubtedly important for maintaining a long, healthy life, it appears that maintaining strong intimate relationships may be just as important. If you (or a loved one) are currently suffering from a heart condition, perhaps it's time you look at your/their relationships for any sign of loneliness or social isolation.
3. It Protects Our Health
We've discussed how love effects the heart, but research also shows how much spending time with loved ones can affect our overall well-being. A study conducted by the University of Chicago, looked at the health of married, working men who either spent a lot of free time with their non-working wives, or had to juggle that time between her own full-time job. What was found was that men who enjoyed spending the most time with their wives, reported the best overall health. How much better? Research showed that men who spent significantly less time with their spouse saw their health drop about 25 percent below other men in the study. Is this study suggesting women shouldn't work? No. But it is saying we should prioritize whatever time we have to spend with our loved ones.
4. It Promotes Infinite Love
According to studies conducted at the U.C. Berkeley, sharing love with others makes us feel more loved through a chemical reaction in our brain. Whenever we smile, hug, or hold hands with a loved one, we are releasing the chemical oxytocin, which allows us the ability to connect with others on a very compassionate level. This connection makes it more likely we will continue to display this affection, thus perpetuating the shared feelings of love with those around us, over and over again. In other words, love others, and you will be loved.
5. It Is Important to Early Childhood Development
We have heard the importance of newborns being held and touched to survive, but many studies suggest that early moments of love and bonding between a newborn and mother decide a child's overall ability to love. Babies who do not experience a strong attachment to their mother within their first month or so, may be at a disadvantage in fostering a successful, loving relationship. Reason being, the connections in the brain and nervous system that enable us to love are developed early in life, so it is very important to give children lots of love now, so they can give and receive it later on. In addition, some research suggests that our first love experience shapes the way we look at love for the rest of our lives, or at least heavily influences it. So make your first one a good one.
6. It Is More Important Than Sex
Sex is not as big a part in relationships as some couples think. While some researchers claim love is nothing more than a sexual high stimulated by the release of chemicals in the brain, researchers at the University of New York claim that the brain indeed appears to perceive a difference between love and sex. Noting what portion of the brain was active when subjects were given a sexually stimulating photo, subjects were then given a photo of their partner, comparing the difference in brain activity. While a similar portion of the brain was activated while looking at a loved one, it was overlapped by an entirely different portion of the brain, suggesting a more complex (dare I say, important) connection. Love and romance indeed appear to be more important than some scientists give them credit for.
So let's hear it for love! It surrounds our lives, keeps us healthy, happy, faithful, protected, and able to connect and share this wonderful feeling with others. So, don't be stingy ... pass it on
6 Reasons We Love Love
Its powers of strength
by Eric J. Leech
Love is no doubt one of the greatest feelings in the world, and if you have ever doubted its strengths, here are six reminders as to why it has been given such an important stature in our lives:
1. It Keeps Couples Faithful
While some may say love is blind, researchers at UCLA prefer to describe it as wearing blinders. The study looked at 120 heterosexual college students in a committed relationship. They were asked to describe their current relationship, and then rate a group of photos depicting very attractive members of the opposite sex. What they found was that students who described their relationship as loving, were six times less likely to rate a 'hottie' as attractive, and even more surprising, they seemed to pay more attention to the background of the photos, rather than the subject. Researchers think this could be related to our adaptation over the centuries to commit to one long-term partner, rather than straying as soon as the next best thing came along.
2. It Protects Our Hearts
Scientists at Yale University conducted a study surveying 119 men and 40 women, asking them about their current state of relationship and family, before being given a series of angiography (heart) tests. What researchers found was that participants who reported their lives as the most loving and supportive, were less likely to exhibit heart conditions (blockages, etc). While genetics, diet, and proper nutrition are undoubtedly important for maintaining a long, healthy life, it appears that maintaining strong intimate relationships may be just as important. If you (or a loved one) are currently suffering from a heart condition, perhaps it's time you look at your/their relationships for any sign of loneliness or social isolation.
3. It Protects Our Health
We've discussed how love effects the heart, but research also shows how much spending time with loved ones can affect our overall well-being. A study conducted by the University of Chicago, looked at the health of married, working men who either spent a lot of free time with their non-working wives, or had to juggle that time between her own full-time job. What was found was that men who enjoyed spending the most time with their wives, reported the best overall health. How much better? Research showed that men who spent significantly less time with their spouse saw their health drop about 25 percent below other men in the study. Is this study suggesting women shouldn't work? No. But it is saying we should prioritize whatever time we have to spend with our loved ones.
4. It Promotes Infinite Love
According to studies conducted at the U.C. Berkeley, sharing love with others makes us feel more loved through a chemical reaction in our brain. Whenever we smile, hug, or hold hands with a loved one, we are releasing the chemical oxytocin, which allows us the ability to connect with others on a very compassionate level. This connection makes it more likely we will continue to display this affection, thus perpetuating the shared feelings of love with those around us, over and over again. In other words, love others, and you will be loved.
5. It Is Important to Early Childhood Development
We have heard the importance of newborns being held and touched to survive, but many studies suggest that early moments of love and bonding between a newborn and mother decide a child's overall ability to love. Babies who do not experience a strong attachment to their mother within their first month or so, may be at a disadvantage in fostering a successful, loving relationship. Reason being, the connections in the brain and nervous system that enable us to love are developed early in life, so it is very important to give children lots of love now, so they can give and receive it later on. In addition, some research suggests that our first love experience shapes the way we look at love for the rest of our lives, or at least heavily influences it. So make your first one a good one.
6. It Is More Important Than Sex
Sex is not as big a part in relationships as some couples think. While some researchers claim love is nothing more than a sexual high stimulated by the release of chemicals in the brain, researchers at the University of New York claim that the brain indeed appears to perceive a difference between love and sex. Noting what portion of the brain was active when subjects were given a sexually stimulating photo, subjects were then given a photo of their partner, comparing the difference in brain activity. While a similar portion of the brain was activated while looking at a loved one, it was overlapped by an entirely different portion of the brain, suggesting a more complex (dare I say, important) connection. Love and romance indeed appear to be more important than some scientists give them credit for.
So let's hear it for love! It surrounds our lives, keeps us healthy, happy, faithful, protected, and able to connect and share this wonderful feeling with others. So, don't be stingy ... pass it on
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